Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
