Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
