dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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