dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
