who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
