I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Too much gin, very little bucket
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
