he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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