it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you would pick up someone in the library
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
