thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
