i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
