Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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