My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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