I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
