i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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