I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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