I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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