I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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