If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
even my farts smell like vagina
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
