u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
