He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
