Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
