We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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