I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
