we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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