I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
