Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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