You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
