Soap is not a condiment
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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