My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
