You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
