what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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