Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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