Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
