i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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