I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
