I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
love makes seman taste better
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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