I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
