just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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