Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
now i know why i became what i already was.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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