what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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