I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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