My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
honey bunches of taint.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
