Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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