I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm like, not good at living.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
