tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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