PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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