Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
