Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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