He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
