you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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