Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
